“Beam Me Down” Creationism

By: George Wallace

“Beam Me Down” Creationism is the idea that suddenly God decided to Create Everything, and then took a week to do the job. This has always seemed to me to be a lack luster idea of God. If God Is All Powerful, why does He need a week ? Get the job done Now. This version of the Creation Story has always seemed unrealistic. It’s weaknesses must derived from another source. That source is the human beings. Human beings that made up the story.

This version of the Creation Story owes its existence to ignorance, a belief in magic, and / or way too much television. Ignorance and magic can account for the first 5 to 6 thousand years of human civilization. TV can only account for the last 50 years, or so. Since the advent of science, we also have to add in just plain stubborn stupidity. Or, possibly there are other human motives for the continuation of such blatant misrepresentations of how God Works.

It is at least hubris to think that God would somehow need to create anything. Especially anything as complex as the whole world. Especially the world as we know it, out of whole cloth. It is quite literally telling God why and how to do His Work. It is having the gall to put Him on a work schedule! It is as if there existed a penalty clause for late completion. It is presumptuous to think that God would want to Create in this way. It is also stupid, arrogant, and obviously very, very human. Human thinking at the very worst.

There exists no evidence to indicate that God has ever created out of whole cloth. Or, clay. Or, a rib. Of course, there is no evidence to indicate that He can’t do it. The question is, why should He? Why would God be in a hurry? Does God have a deadline? It is simply easier to calmly reason out that such holistic instantaneous style creationism is an idea created by an over active human brain. Remember that humans also “see” faces in rocky cliffs, clouds, wood grain, burned toast, water stains in plaster, and random patterns. Imagination is very creative.

The old story says that God created Eve from Adam’s rib. Why? Because it would be quicker and presumptively easier. If that is true, then God had to be doing human cloning. God is supposed to have made Eve “overnight”. Therefore, can we presume that cloning is a God approved activity? Or one reserved only to God? Chew on that bit of gristle for a while. Also, if it is true, Adam ended having sex with himself. Well, a part of himself. That changes sexual union of a man and a woman to some form of self masturbation. And, it was done because Adam was lonely?

Quite possibly such an idea could have been created by a human brain inspired by a belief in magic. Magic has no limits and can do anything. Magic was and is a sincere belief that has existed for thousands of years. That alone is a testament to the total stupidity of the human brain wishing to be fooled.

Belief in magic survives to this day. The advent of medications that relieve the most common symptoms of erectile disfunction has negatively affected a belief in magic. This slowed or froze the consumption of powered rhino horn, dinosaur bones, deer antlers, and dried penises from a variety of animals which were taken as “cures” in a vain attempt to relieve the symptoms. In a similar way oysters have long been consumed as an aphrodisiac. Their darker gills have an appearance very similar to that of human female genitalia. That fevered human brain again.

Perhaps holistic instantaneous style creationism is an idea created by an over active human brain stressed by illness, physical or mental. A brain fever would create a delirium and plenty of weird ideas. Maybe even one that wants to push God around.

Perhaps holistic instantaneous style creationism is an idea created by an over active human brain stressed by consumption of organic hydrocarbon substances like certain molds, leaves, seeds, mushrooms, or cactus. I’ve been told that the visions one gets from the consumption of these natural organic chemicals is quite vivid.

Perhaps holistic instantaneous style creationism is an idea created by an over active human brain stressed by overly ripe fruit that had fermented and gave the consumer a fair to middling alcoholic “buzz”.

Perhaps holistic instantaneous style creationism is an idea created by an over active human brain stressed by having to grasp at straws while possessing a vivid imagination. What might be gained by such a story? Perhaps only a short period of entertainment around the neolithic campfire. Good story tellers gained in personal prestige. Ah. Ha. The inventor of the story had something to gain. Now that is understandable.

Trying to explain the inexplicable at a single point in time without sufficient evidence is at best tricky. It is subject to being “stretched” and pulled into unrecognizable shapes. It is certainly subject to an overly active imagination. Remember the “canals” of Mars? It can happen to the best of us. If we want to believe, we will.

It also requires a gullible, easily influenced, and very trusting audience.

That is the whole point of the scientific method. It does not rely on trust. Like Ronald Reagan, it trusts and verifies, and re-verifies over and over again. All results remain forever subject to revision with newer, better verifiable conditions and results.

All the evidence so far revealed indicates that God does not work by way of holistic instantaneous creationism. Everything we can see in the scientific record is contrary to this idea. Nothing suggests that God is actively working toward stupidity. Everything suggests that God is actively working toward smartness and intelligence. Stupidity is a non-survival trait. That is what evolution is all about. That is God’s Plan. Forced change. Change forced by the competition to survive.

Why do most religious leaders refuse to even think about updating their beliefs about God and creationism? They are afraid. They are afraid that they are wrong. Afraid that their parents and leaders and teachers were wrong. They are afraid that their followers will see that they are wrong, or foolish. They are afraid that the goodie train will stop rolling. That would be terrible. That would be an unwelcome change. They don’t want to change. The answer is simple greed.

Article Source: http://www.religionarticlelibrary.com

(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, the trappings of organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy comments and suggestions for a return to a God-centered personal religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com

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